This spring, I decided to take action on my mental health and seek help. I used the campus resources and went to CAPS, Counseling and Psychological Services, which went well. The staff there helped connect me with a licensed therapist outside of campus. I had set up an appointment to introduce myself and get to know her to see if we would be able to work well together. I needed help to work on my mental health and overcome the trauma from my childhood that still lingers in the back of my mind.
Therapy went well during the two sessions we had, and I felt comfortable with her. She created a safe space where I didn't feel pressured to give too much too soon. Therapy is supposed to feel that way, where you don't feel interrogated due to getting too many questions and overwhelmed. Questions were asked where I thought that we could unpack a lot of trauma but did it with ease. I found comfort in the methods used to start the conversation about how I got to the point in my life where I sought out professional help.
I only got the opportunity to have two sessions, one and a half, really, but I know I need more. I checked the portal to schedule another session, but I noticed that my insurance hasn't kicked in yet. I am enrolled on the school insurance that was supposed to cover this particular therapist, but it spooked me. I got startled because I was not expecting to have to pay for that out of pocket. The cost of a doctor is a lot, and if only one appointment costs so much, I don't see the worth in it. There is so much value in getting professional medical help, but the cost outweighs the benefits.
I kept checking the portal to see if my insurance would reimburse me for the sessions, but I didn't see any changes. It's frustrating to think that I have to look at the financial impact that doctor visits have on my life. I try to set a budget for specific expenses, but it's challenging to fund therapy that I would need weekly. I have tried to look past the price tag, but when you add up how many sessions are required and the cost, the hurdle gets taller and harder to overcome.
Healthcare is expensive and complicated. There are so many policies but conditions and limitations to every single one. Especially when considering vision, dental and mental health is an added expense that is not always in every basic policy. Perhaps in the future, I will be able to afford the help I need, but it's a luxury that I cannot afford. After all, I never heard back from my therapist. She was supposed to send me a questionnaire and check in on me to see when I would schedule my appointment. Maybe she's the one that ghosted me.